Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

So this has been a pretty uneventful week…..  I did some major house cleaning. All the way down to cleaning the trim and it felt really good to just dig into it.  THe boys have steadily been feeling better which has been nice.  Eyob is doing better physically everyday and has been sleeping through the night for the last week.  It is awesome, however, it seems like when one sleeps the others wake up.  AHHH!!!  We are still waiting on test results to find out what is going on with all the poop.  Hopefully, we will know something soon! 

For Christmas, Brandon gave me a gift cert. for a mani/pedi combo at a local spa so yesterday I cashed it in and spent two very relaxing hours getting pampered. It was so nice.  He also gave me some  cash and I got to do a little shopping which was also fun. SHopping alone for myself…. AHHHHH..  My hubby is great isn’t he.

When I first started blogging almost a year ago I seemed to think in terms of blogging.  I was always thinking.. this would make a good blog post or I could write about that.  Well, since bringing Eyob home I haven’t really felt like that, I am sure for good reason, but I have missed that feeling… that swirling around in my brain.  Blogging for me is more than a way of keeping in touch with family and friends, it has been a way to process thoughts, use my brain, to practice writing, and an outlet for my heart.  Anyway, I have been thinking about a bunch of different posts that I am going to write over the next couple of weeks so I thought I would give you a quick synopsis of what is coming up on Further Up and Deeper In.

Book Reviews-  Henri Nouwen’s Turn My Mourning Into Dancing (get this book!!!!)  I can’t wait to talk about this book!  More on Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World–  I have learned so much that I am looking forward to passing on. Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth–  Oprah’s Book club choice for the month and the subject of an online class she will be teaching over the next few weeks.  THis book is the fastest selling book in the world right now.  WHy????  One question I have about the book (many more that I will write about in it’s own post) but….. is this book so “close” to the TRUTH that it is causing or going to cause people to miss Christ?  The Shack by William P Young…… This novel/allegory is making it’s way around the US and changing lives… I want to see what the hype is all about. Maybe you will too.

****   I was thinking about all that I have learned about Eyob in the last 3 months and then remembered the old book or  poem… Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten…. and I thought I might have fun doing a serious of posts on what I know about….????

I am going to be getting back to Wordless Wednesday.  More pics…

I have never been “Tagged” so I thought I would do my own and tag a few of my blogging buddies… so look out friends.

Reflections on Adoption…

and more…. so keep checking back….

 Also, a blogging friend who reached out to me during those first dark weeks when we got home from Ethiopia with Eyob, just returned from getting her little man.  I thought you might be interested in reading about some of her experiences.  I was telling her in an email that her posts take me right back to ET and Hannah’s Hope.  I can still taste, smell, and feel it in my heart.  Reading her words and about her experiences make my long for ET deeply.  Read her posts and enjoy.

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While Valentine’s day was not our usual “big”  event day as it was B.K. (before kids) we were really excited about actually getting to do do anything.  One of my girlfriends, Cassie, volunteered to watch the boys for the evening… all three and she already has three of her own. Her husband was going to be away on business for the week and so she thought she would volunteer to help us out.  Thank you Cassie!!!  I know some adoption experts would not recommend leaving your recently adopted child, but I know a lot of marriage experts would recommend some couple time away.  Brandon actually stayed home from work Thursday, not to celebrate VDay all day but because he lost his voice (can’t sell stuff without a voice).. so we dropped the boys off around 4…. made a stop at the liquor store (can’t buy wine at the grocery store here (one of the many twilight zoneish things about this state) and got to Red Robin right as the 5 o’clock rush of merry makers came in.  I guess in a place where most of the population are children, the parents all think like we do…. out early and home early for bedtimes.  I was surprised that Brandon actually chose RR. Usually he wants to go someplace “extra special” but he said we usually spend a lot of money when you (traci) would be just as happy with the food from a casual place.  So casual it was and really fun.  We ate a lot of really “good” for you food and had a couple of “fun” drinks and talked a lot.  I was waiting for my cell to ring but it never did.  Instead of going to a movie like we usually like to do we went over to Target and bought one. 

When we got to my friends house to pick up the boys they were in their pjs and looked content but happy to see us.  I actually think it was good for Eyob.  He learned that he would survive and that we would come back.  It was the first time both of us had been away from him at the same time.  He was really affectionate with me by his choice, which doesn’t happen very often.  Did I mention.. Thank you Cassie!!!  You’re a life saver!!!

After the kiddos were in bed we watched the movie we bought, Martian Child, which brings me to my topic.  You have to see this movie if you are in the adoption world, want to be, are thinking about it or just interested in watching a good movie.  It was clean, only PG, and was such a moving story about the miracle of adoption.  So many times throughout the movie I was thinking about Eyob and what we are going through and thinking about the vision for orphans that God gave me when I was small and while it seemed to disappear in the post adoption aftermath it is beginning to come back again.  It is movies like this that inspire me to think about doing it again.  I know, I know…… more on that later. 

By the way, John Cusack plays the lead role in this movie (we love John) and his sister Joan Cusack supports.  The little boy they picked for the part of the boy was also fabulous in his part. So not only was it an awesome movie, the acting was great also. 

At the end of the movie the main character makes a statement about all kids that I thought was really profound……. he said something like… All kids come into this world as aliens or martians and their first years are spent trying to learn about us….. The way he said it was much more insightful and made me think in a new light about Eyob and all that these last 2 months must have been like for him.  He truly has been an alien in a new land, trying to figure us out, just as we have been trying to learn about him.

Watch and enjoy. 

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depression, any kind really, but specifically Post Adoption Depression (PAD) or Post Adoption Blues (PAD as it is sometimes called, is that it doesn’t make sense.  You have worked hard to bring this child home, you have waited many months, sometimes years, spent lots of money and you have chosen this child and when he/she arrives you don’t feel like you thought you would.  To the outsider, your depression seems strange, foreign, and even stupid or silly.  To you it seems……. real and startling and scary. I have only experienced situational depression one other time in my life, that I know of, and that was during an awful time in our marriage… in a lot of ways that depression made “sense.”  This PAD stuff doesn’t.  

The thing about depression is that it isn’t rational.  I can hear all the things that people are saying, “Don’t forget this is a spiritual battle and Satan doesn’t want you to be successful.” or “Remember Eyob’s grief is greater and more important at this time then yours.”  or “God is using this experience to make you into the person he wants you to be.”  ALL, and I really do mean ALL, good and true words.  Words that, if heard through a cloud of depression, really only sound like words.  I know the truth behind these statements and statements like them.  I have seen God work in my life and I “know” in my head that He will prevail again, but the thing about depression…. is that it doesn’t always feel like that.  Yes, yes, I know that feelings are not everything and often they aren’t even true, but the thing is they are real and they do affect me (us).  Not dealing with them is where we get into trouble. 

The thing about PAD is that it is unpredictable.  Some days I feel good, like I can cope or more than cope and other days… WHAM!!!! I don’t want to cope and I don’t want to get out of bed. (Fortunately, I am the person who always does what they are “supposed to do” and most people, especially my little men frown on staying in bed all day, so arise I do.)  Sometimes the cloud hovers all day and sometimes it is lifted after a simple conversation with my husband or a friend.  It is the unpredictability about it that is hard.  Most of the time it doesn’t really have anything to do with Eyob. 

The thing about PAD is that it doesn’t look the same for everyone, but is actually experienced by more adoptive parents than I ever really thought possible.  One article I read said that PAD affects more than 65% of adopting mothers.  In 1999, the author, surveyed 1300 adopting parents to see how widespread PAD really was and this is what she found…..  “77% of survey participants with PAD reported that they suffered their symptoms from two months to over one year with 45% suffering for six months or more. 85% of sufferers reported that their depression affected their health in some way (serious weight gain/loss was followed by sleep disturbances and headaches), 70% felt that PADS had interfered with smooth transitions and bonding with their new children.   Wow!!! Can you believe it?  SO why is it that I have never heard of this before now…. I am guessing it is because most people, if they are like me, feel ashamed that they aren’t “handling” what should be an amazingly, beautiful time as well as they expected themselves to or as others expected them too.  Maybe some people don’t even realize that what they are dealing with is real or they don’t know how to give voice to what they are feeling.

Well, in effort to “deal” with my feelings I am going to continue to blog about what I am going through and how I am getting through it.  For today, getting “through it” involved research.  Below you will find links to several articles that I have found regarding PAD.  I hope you find them interesting and informative. 

By the way, those of you out there who have given me much needed words of wisdom and prayers… thank you and just because I am feeling the things I am feeling doesn’t mean that I am not reading and heeding the things you are saying. 

Article– @ A Mother’s Charm

Article– @Adoptive Families

Article– @ Adoptive Families Association of BC


Article-@International Heral Tribune

Article-@ WCBSTV

Book– on Amazon.com 

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